Thursday, September 16, 2010

Praise goes alot further than criticism

I'm a disciplinarian.  I believe in managing expectations and delivering consequences.  I don't believe that a child should get three warnings. Then they just learn that they don't have to listen to the first two.  If your child doesn't listen the first time, then make the request again, but now with a consequence:  "Please, take your shoes to the laundry room or else you'll need to go to your room". If they don't do it, they go to their room.  That's it.  Negative consequences are a must -- a very important part of the equation.  But they are not the most important part.  In fact, positive reinforcement works better.  And I say this with a degree of dread because it's harder.  It's harder to recognize when your child is obeying the rules without being told. It's harder to consistently reward the behavior you are trying to encourage because that behavior is not yelling through the house or writing on your walls.  It's subtle and silent.  So your job is to keep your eyes and ears open.  Look for that behavior and reward it with a high five, "nice job", jellybean, whatever.  But the more you can reward the behavior you do want, the less you will have to discipline the behavior you don't want.  And in the long run, it will be alot easier.

If you find yourself disciplining for the same thing over and over, start looking for the opposite of that behavior and start rewarding it. Instead of "Stop and look before you cross the street", focus on "Hey, great job stopping and looking before crossing the street.  Come over here and give me a high five."

Try to make your positive recognition outweigh the negative ones.  It's hard.  But it works.

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