So often, parents put down their kids without realizing it. "You are being such a mean brother." "Why can't you be a good listener?" Words are very powerful. It's like the adage "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." Be careful what you call your kids. They just may live up to it.
Tell your kids they are what you want to be. "You are a great big brother. I love it when you help your little sister." "I know you are a great listener, so I want you to listen closely to what I have to say." Just like the case for positive reinforcement - take the thing you don't want and turn it on its head. Your son is a having issues with fear? Rather than say "why are you so scared?", tell him he is very brave. And soon enough, he will be.
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