Let's admit it, bribes are convenient. I'm guilty of them, especially the "eat your dinner and you can have a treat" bribe. But bribes are tricky business. If overused, they can teach your child that when they act out, they get rewarded.
I consider a bribe to be dangling a carrot to get a child to stop acting out and/or start listening. Bribes are typically a reactive measure once you are in a contentious situation. "If you will just put on your shoes, I will give you a gumball."
I consider rewards to be treats that "thank" a child for acting as they should. Rewards occur in the absence of negative behavior. Bribes usually occur in the presence of it. Another way to think about the difference: you're happy when you're giving rewards; you're frustrated when you're giving bribes.
I'm a strong believer in rewards and positive reinforcement. I believe they work better than punishment. Rewards work best when they are unexpected -- something that will suprise and delight a child. "Great job making your bed this morning. I didn't even have to ask you. We should have some ice cream tonight to celebrate."
Bribes only get in the way of reinforcing positive behavior. "If you go make your bed, we can have ice cream tonight." If I'm a kid, I'm thinking "Awesome, if I don't make my bed every day, maybe I'll get some ice cream everyday."
If you want your children to do what you ask, amplify the rewards and turn down the bribes. So what do you do when you're in that frustrated place and it's too late to introduce a reward? A topic in and of itself. I'll get to writing.
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